OUTREACH
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I Chose Judaism, but My Family Didn't:
How I Fill the Empty Spaces in My Jewish Life
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| Karen Shein Christiansen |
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A Sermonette delivered at the Outreach Shabbat Service in May 2008 by Karen Shein Christiansen
I remember the first time I came to Beth Israel. I felt like a complete stranger in a synagogue. I didn’t know what a rabbi did. I had never heard of most of the Jewish holidays. I was familiar with church rituals and traditions. Obviously I’m in an interfaith marriage. The surprise is that I’m the Jewish one.
Both my parents were Jewish but they rejected their Orthodox upbringing and raised us as atheists. I saw my other relatives go through the motions of Jewish observance but there didn’t seem to be any deep satisfying connection there. The Bar and Bat Mitzvahs I attended as a child were glitzy affairs that seemed to me to be devoid of meaning. I reasoned that if the Jews around me didn’t care about Judaism, why should I?
As it turns out I didn’t make a very good atheist either. I struggled with spiritual questions. After I moved to San Diego I fell in love with and married my husband Paul, and since he was a Christian and I was a “nothing” we decided to raise our kids as Christians. We got involved at a church and I hoped my spiritual questions would be answered there. I joined the choir and for the next seven years I was part every Sunday service. I loved the Christian choral music even as I struggled to believe the words I was singing.
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I read New Testament stories to our boys, but couldn’t say that I believed them. The boys grew cynical about religion and I finally came to the conclusion that Christian answers were not going to be my answers. The boys and I stopped going to church. My husband was deeply disappointed but he understood that I had genuinely and thoroughly tried.
After 50 years of spiritual searching, I sat at my computer one day and casually filled out an online questionnaire that promised to determine what religion most closely matched my beliefs. The answer came back “You are a 95% match with Reform Judaism.” I thought this was absurd but I was curious so I signed up for a Taste of Judaism class. There I was introduced to the basic tenets of Judaism and instantly recognized my world view as completely Jewish.
I was already familiar with Beth Israel because it was the synagogue my church partnered with for its annual interfaith Thanksgiving service. Beth Israel also had lots of classes and events to offer a newcomer. So, I signed up for Basic Judaism and Beginning Hebrew. I volunteered my graphic design services in the program department. I was learning so much! I attended Torah Study and Minyan services and was often moved to tears as I began to see the depth of beauty in Judaism, the significance of the rituals and the rich history of the Jewish people. In 2006 I proudly celebrated my adult Bat Mitzvah at Beth Israel with my eight classmates, each of whom had their own fascinating and unique Jewish journeys.
My volunteer work at Beth Israel has led to my becoming the editor of the Tidings newsletter and the Webmaster of the CBI Web Site. Because I care so deeply that those who are new to Judaism feel welcome here I got involved on the Outreach Committee and currently serve as chair. And, of course I finally joined the choir!
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You’re probably wondering why I’ve stayed so involved in so many ways at Beth Israel. At first it was to learn about Judaism, but there was more. Judaism is a religion meant to be shared with family and I don’t have a Jewish family at home. Living in an interfaith family is all about compromise. We do have a family Seder now every year…and also a Christmas dinner. But my husband goes off to church by himself every Sunday morning. And I light my Shabbat candles by myself every Friday night. My family is home tonight and I’m here.
But once I get here I DO have a Jewish family. You are my Jewish family, all of you who I have studied with and worked with, all of you who have shared your Jewish journeys with me. With my Beth Israel family I can continue to struggle with those spiritual questions. I can share the joys of the rituals and traditions and the beautiful Jewish music. At Beth Israel I see parents, many of whom are not Jewish, raising the next generation of Jewish children here and I feel so grateful to them because they are doing what I won’t have the chance to do.
At the first service I ever attended at Beth Israel I felt lost and unfamiliar. But as that service came to a close the complete strangers next to me put their arms around me, drew me close and joined with the entire congregation in singing Oseh Shalom just as we will do at the close of tonight’s service. It made me feel like I was part of the family. And I have been ever since. My Beth Israel family fills the empty spaces in my Jewish life and brings me peace and joy.
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