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OUTREACH
STORIES
Stepping Over the Invisible Line and Feeling Jewish
Rivka Shira
My journey began when I finally got an answer to a question I had put to my boyfriend
several times and not received an answer: "What church do you go to?" After
4 months of dating, he finally told me.
Actually, what he said was "What's the furthest thing from Catholic?" I
answered, "Baptist?" He laughed and told me he was Jewish.
Imagine my amazement. I was raised in a very small town in Minnesota. I had not,
to my knowledge, ever met a Jew, much less kissed one. I had attended Lutheran
colleges and taken the required theology classes, so I knew my Christian heritage.
And yet, here I was, stunned at my own innocence and utterly in love.
I quickly read everything I could get my hands on about Judaism. Especially moving
was Chaim Potok's Wanderings. I was determined to know all I could, my way of
taking care of an obvious problem. You see, this small town of mine had been
split between Catholics and Lutherans, and I had been indoctrinated to believe
that marrying a Catholic was dangerous!
How in the world would I talk to my parents about this! The more I read, the
more I liked, and the more I was convinced that my recent questioning of the
development of Christianity was a legitimate search for something more in line
with my destiny. Judaism was so straightforward.
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Once we relocated to San Diego and the relationship sustained, I asked my now
very serious boyfriend if he thought converting would help or hinder my acceptance
into his family. He said it didn't matter, and that he would support my decision
either way. At that point, I began asking him to take me to services, to tell
me what he knew.
I found out he had forgotten much. He quit being observant – except for
High Holy days – after his Bar Mitzvah, and what he remembered was the sense
of obligation, not any of the excitement and warmth I was discovering.
Eventually, we joined Beth Israel, met with the Rabbi, and began attending classes.
These classes were where I was able to ask my questions and meet others who were
converting. I became a Jew, a Bat Mitzvah, and
choir member. My boyfriend and I married 5 years ago under a silk chuppah I
had made, surrounded by two very supportive families.
During my conversion process, a woman I met while attending a Foundation function
became one of my most frequently consulted resources. She was raised as a Jew
but was now dating a non-Jew.
By the time my husband and I were married, he said he had become "a Jew
in his heart." I knew exactly what he meant – there was a point when
I stepped over an invisible line and "felt" I was a Jew. We celebrate
Passover with this extraordinary couple – the most Jewish experience we
encounter outside the Temple. I love their attention to all the rituals.
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Today I am a semi-frequent minyan attendee,
Rod and I are in a chavurah, and I am a member
of our Membership and Outreach Committees. Many of our committee members are
Jews by choice, and we share a complex warmth about our respective journeys.
I appreciate being able to talk about the weird things one must contend with
as a convert. My most commonly heard remark? "Well, you don't look Jewish…" The
other most common experience is that we who have chosen Judaism often find we
have a lot of information about rituals, traditions, and holidays. I suspect
it is because we learn this as adults and use the information immediately, rather
than learning it as a future practice or something for which parents are responsible.
The other piece of this experience, though, is that we find many different interpretations
and perspectives among our adult contemporaries. Sometimes their information
incomplete, yet it is also interwoven with family traditions and practices that
are not included in the teachings of the sages.
An example is what is served at a seder. Our dear friends insist on adding chopped
eggs to the meal. Others make a point of having round matza. I don't have a preference
and don't get caught in the particulars other than to observe and relish the
variety. And I think that is one of the most endearing qualities about Judaism – there
are no insistent rule makers on high. I learn as I go and make the best of what
I learn.
My most insistent and profound expereinces come when the idea of Tikkun
Olam is instituted. When I first grasped the concept of Tikkun
Olam, I was surprised and awed. Here was an age old idea which spoke to
my heart, without restrictions on what exactly is "repair" and "the
world." As a helper by profession, I live to make the world better, a person
at a time. And Judaism had opened to me a way to make my work spiritual.
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