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OUTREACH
STORIES
Searching for Judaism Until it Found Me
Devora
When I was a child, my big sister and I would climb into my father's lap every
Tuesday night to watch those brave men who boldly went where no man had gone
before. Mr. Spock was the closest thing my father had to a hero. Being a professor
of Physics with a Ph.D. from Cornell, he was also a very educated, scientific
and logical man. Mr. Spock provided my dad with a guilt-free refuge from his
Baptist upbringing in the small town of - I am not making this up - Krum, Texas.
So, the extent of my religious upbringing was watching Star Trek - religiously.
Our family celebrated our own orderly versions of Christmas, Halloween and Easter,
(basically the candy, the presents and goodwill towards man - in that order.)
The consistency of holiday traditions however, became critical to my sense of
security, as our family had to move frequently. My deepest convictions in life,
were that I would find an orange in the bottom of my Christmas stocking, and
that the Easter bunny would leave a basket of goodies by my bed.
Our dinner table conversations revolved around protons and neutrons, the big
bang theory, atomic reactions and electron microscopes. I got the impression
that God was a fictional character invented by those who were still living in
the dark ages. The enlightened few, (being my family) lived with the truth, yet
still maintained the most pious of family values. We were six little quotients,
plugged into the correct positions that made up the formula for the perfect family.
My father's inertia to find a new job every other year, bonded us even closer
together, and by the time I was 17, I was one of the few kids in school that
hadn't suffered the emotional trauma, atrophy, and decay of a divorce. That didn't
happen until I was 17 1/2.
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Before you could say "Hippocritic oath" the rug was pulled out from
under us kids. Over the Christmas holiday, my father spontaneously combusted
- causing a chain reaction. When he walked out one door, my mother shut herself
away behind the other door, and our "family values" flew out the window.
The remainder (four children), were left dazed and confused, with neck strain
and severe rug burns, sans hope, sans faith, sans any rules at all to live by.
6 - 2 = - 4.
Each of us floundered on the bottom of the sea of our choice; drugs, sex, domestic
violence, indecision, cynicism, self-doubt, and heroic rescue attempts. 17 years,
six careers and countless hours of listening to Dr. Laura later, I decided that
I wanted my future children to have the security of being brought up as members
of a community that recognized rules which transcended the rationalizations of
human weakness. To be non-partial, I briefed myself on every religion I had ever
heard of, (some more briefly than others).
My boyfriend had been raised as a Jew, but had completely divorced himself from
Judaism, and all organized religion. Seth informed me that if we were to get
married, he could only raise his children as Jews. I refused to consider Judaism
because of a man who didn't care enough about his own religion to practice himself
and I continued to explore all religious possibilities. A few days later I got
a letter from him in the mail:
"I know you feel hard done by and confused about this. This stems less from
a deliberate act on my part, than it does from a neglect to fully examine my
own feelings. Faced with the prospect of rearing children, I find myself drawn
to that which was an incredibly integral part of my own childhood, Judaism. I
left Judaism because I had become tired of seeing its underbelly, manifested
by the various boards and committees that had done wrong, and partly because
Judaism demands so much of a person. Yes I was beat up for being a Jew. I grew
angry at the games I saw being played by those within the bureaucracies. I became
disaffected, disillusioned, and, finally, I left.
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"I see now, I was angry with the people, not with the religion itself. It
taught me to stand up for what I believe in; and that the plight of anyone oppressed
anywhere was also my plight. Had I not been raised this way, I would not be the
man I am today. Who knows, I might even have become a Republican."
I still did not choose Judaism, Judaism chose me. Rabbi Magat, with his warmth,
humor and sensitivity, dispelled my initial fears about meeting a real Rabbi,
and after an unexpectedly tearful explanation as to why I had come to see him,
I realized my purpose was not so much for my future children as it was for myself.
Rabbi Stein was clearly a scholar par excellence. Here was a teacher of religion
who encouraged questions. I was humbly offered a place in a culture that nurtured
the brain as well as the spirit. At my bet din,
I had a strongly disagreed with a clergy member, yet I was commended for holding
on to my convictions! That was the final revelation that I had truly found my
people! As a Jew, I have become part of a heritage that heralds commitment, honor,
action, and tolerance of other religions. I have the security of tradition, the
tranquility of knowing God, and the integrity of responsibility.
I have made my own Shofar, taught science and volunteered at the day school,
share Shabbat dinner with all my friends and family, and had the honor on Jan
2, of marrying a nice Jewish boy, Seth Neely under a chuppah. Many people have
remarked on the unparalleled beauty and holiness of that night.
Our commitment and love for our religion lended a magical air to every word,
every act and every symbol in our ceremony. My new husband now wears his kippah
with pride to school and to work every day. We are spiritually elevated together,
legally and religiously committed, and joined by the bonds of much more than
love. I may still be here on planet earth, but when it comes to finding fulfillment
in life, I think I have left Mr. Spock far behind.
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