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COMMENTARY
BY CANTOR ARLENE BERNSTEIN
AUGUST 2007
Honoring Our Loved Ones in Death as in Life – the Jewish Way
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Photo by
Chris Gaines |
There are two moments in life which are profound – when a baby is born and takes its first breath and when, at the end of life, that same human being breathes his/her last
breath. That spark of soul ignites as we hear the first human sound or extinguishes with or without a sound and not necessarily in our presence. With all the knowledge we have gained since the beginning of time, the human soul is the miracle and the mystery.
It is interesting then, that the Book of Ecclesiastes says "...the day of one's death is better than the day of one's birth." How could this be? Anyone who has witnessed the birth of a child is acutely aware of the miracle of life. Judaism provides beautiful ways of acknowledging that miracle and welcoming a child into this
world through the riturals of circumcision and/or "baby naming" either at home or in the synagogue. We hope and pray for so many things for that child – but what
we know absolutely on that day, is that his/her life is a blank canvas, eagerly waiting to be filled with a wash of colors portraying life's paths.
And so it is when life ends, our canvas, like a Chagall painting, is filled with many vignettes, each shaded differently with a palate of thousands of colors. On the day of death, our canvas should be filled with our accomplishments, failures, joys and sorrows. How does Judaism help us on that day, which may be filled with a lifetime of beautiful memories, but is difficult and not joyful? What does Judaism have to offer at the moment when our human "breath" ceases?
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As so many of you have this year, I have also personally experienced the deaths of two members of my family. No matter the age, the stunning finality at the moment of death can be devastating. Judaism has an extraordinary way of helping us mourn those who have died, as it helps us welcome those who are born. Judaism gives us a way to physically care for our loved ones, from the moment of death; to the funeral; and to care for ourselves spiritually throughout the first year of our mourning and each
subsequent Yahrtzeit (anniversary of death). As rabbis and cantors in service to the Jewish people, we have seen over and over again how our tradition helps us through these difficult moments. It is particularly important and comforting to know that the Jewish way of burial is extremely sensitive and compassionately caring of the bodies that housed the souls of those that we loved.
In San Diego, our Jewish mortuary, Am Israel, is a place of such compassion and sensitivity. This mortuary founded by Irving Krantz, and Norbert Schloss in 1977, is continued today by Larry and Peter Krantz, 2nd and 3rd generations and serves the entire San Diego Jewish Community. We can be comforted, knowing that our loved ones will be treated as holy and according to Jewish tradition in the care of Am Israel, this important and sacred institution in Jewish life.
What is different about the Jewish way of caring for the body that housed our beloved parents, grandparents, children and friends? Our tradition provides us with the poignant mitzvah of halvayat hamet, the accompanying of the dead. Literally, a halvayah is a funeral. However, from the moment of death, until the moment of burial, Jewish tradition and culture provide the deceased with accompaniment – a guardian (shomer – one who keeps watch). Our beloved dead are not left alone. Under the direction of our Jewish mortuary, members of a Chevra Kaddisha, "Burial Society" (literally, a holy society) help with the Jewish law concerning ritual bathing (tahara), dressing (tachrichim – burial shrouds) and guardianship until the burial takes place. The shomrim sit with the body 24-hours a day, until the funeral begins. The Chevra Kaddisha is comprised of deeply dedicated people in our Jewish community who wish to perform these sacred mitzvot. Additionally, Am Israel facilitates all of the difficult issues of
burial and funeral arrangements. Our Beth Israel clergy are particularly grateful to Am Israel and to the Chevra Kaddisha for its dedicated work of carrying on our sacred traditions concerning the death of a loved one.
And what about that "soul" that appears to us at birth and appears to leave us at death? Once having shared the essence of your soul with someone, a part of it remains with you. You can share the spirit of the people you loved by sharing their stories, carrying on their mitzvot and honoring them at time of Yizkor (remembrance). In the Ashkenazi tradition, we name our children after those who have died to carry on their good names and the fundamental goodness of their natures. It is said that when one soul leaves this earth, another takes its place: the last breath of one soul and the first breath of the next; the spark reignited. May we all be blessed with long life and good health,
Cantor Arlene Bernstein
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